In times of stress, crisis, when people are having a problem, what does it mean to ‘be there for someone’?
Host, Adam J. Salgat, and Leader Curriculum Improvement and Development, Sarah Weisbarth reflect on the past few weeks. The two of them take the time to listen, connect and acknowledge their worries.
They also discuss how the skills have helped them stay out of judgment and let others experience their truth and reality when it is different than theirs.
By the end of the podcast, Sarah discusses content for future episodes and opportunities for alumni to connect with others.
This podcast was recorded on March 31, 2020
AI-generated dictation of the podcast audio
Please note that this transcription was completed using AI software. Occasionally, unanticipated grammatical, syntax, homophones, and other interpretive errors are inadvertently transcribed by the software. Please excuse any errors that have escaped final proofreading.
Adam Salgat:
Hello and welcome to the Our Community Listens Podcast. My name is Adam Salgat. And with me today is Sarah Weisbarth, Leader of Curriculum Improvement and Development. Today is March 31st, 2020. And I’d like to welcome Sarah to the podcast. How are you doing, Sarah?
Sarah Weisbarth:
I’m doing pretty good, Adam. I think I’m actually doing better than when we first started talking. I know we’ve been chatting for a little while before we even started to record. I really enjoyed just chatting with you today and just reconnecting.
Adam Salgat:
Yup. That is definitely something in this world that we’re in… We’re both living in Michigan, which is under a stay-at-home order from our governor and the Michigan government. So, that connecting is really important right now. And as you said, the last 40 minutes or so we’ve just been chatting, but I’d like to bring people into that conversation a little bit before we go too much further. Tell me how you’re doing, tell me how you guys are doing at the compound. Last time we were on the podcast, it was about two weeks ago, and we’ve been under the stay-at-home order through that timeframe. So talk a little bit about the experience and how everything is going.
Sarah Weisbarth:
I would say that we’re actually doing well. We have a lot of resources, we’re very blessed, we have a lot of ability to be resilient within ourselves and within our environment, we’re actually doing pretty stable. I did have a moment though, this morning, just recognizing what this experiences is like for us here at home, but also what it’s like for others. And it was when my husband was heading to the grocery store today and I said to him, “Be safe.” And I paused and I thought, “What does it mean?” Like, “What does it mean that we’ve come to the point where the salutation as he’s heading out the door to go to the grocery store is be safe?” Not like, “Hey, make sure you get a gallon of milk.”
Adam Salgat:
Right.
Sarah Weisbarth:
And it was just like-
Adam Salgat:
Don’t forget the butter.
Sarah Weisbarth:
… wow, what an incredible surreal moment for me, that safety is a real issue right now and it involves going to the grocery store.
Adam Salgat:
Yeah, I can relate in that space because yesterday I went and shopping for about three hours, for the next few weeks and my wife called me at two hours to make sure everything was okay. So hearing you say, “Stay safe,” to your husband, It does make sense right now in the times that we’re in. And it’s wild to think that, as you shared before, how that equates to the feeling you used to get when he’d have to maybe be called out on a fire.
Sarah Weisbarth:
Yeah. It was really a startling thing for me to recognize that the crisis of him getting called out to a fire, I’m measuring that the same as the crisis of going out into the community right now and going to the grocery store. And really had me recognizing that the response inside of me is still the same, that uncertainty, that fear, that it’s a situation I can’t control, but any number of emotional reactions, I’m having about the grocery store. And then even some empathy about having a colleague whose son works at a grocery store. And the whole thing has had me thinking about the uniqueness of all of our experiences of a shared common crisis, and how my experience is different than yours, and your experience is different than your wife’s and the people next door and the people across the state and people across the country and across the world. We’re all experiencing something incredibly unique to us as individuals, even though it’s a shared moment in time.
Adam Salgat:
Not to step too much into our teachings with Our Community Listens, but that reality of understanding what they’re going through or trying to empathize with what they’re going through is very interesting, because I have caught myself trying to stay out of judgment a lot. For example, there’s a local golf course that was open this past week and I was thinking about it and I’m like, “How can they be open? What are they doing?” And I started stepping myself through who they are, because I know them, that they have three kids, they have a family and they need to make money. I am lucky enough that that is not a deep enough worry with my wife being a teacher right now, and with myself being able to do most of my work from home, we are okay in that space, but potentially they will not be if they cannot make money.
So I tried to take myself out of that judgment space and think, “Well, golf, if you go on your own, you could pay via Venmo and you can hit the links and literally not be within six feet and you can totally be fine. And you’re not in a cart next to somebody else. And you’re taking space and you’re doing it as safe as possible in the times that we’re being asked.” But it’s interesting in our teachings that… I tried to remember to come back to that idea of their reality is different than mine, to try to stay out of that judgment area.
Sarah Weisbarth:
I’m having a proud moment, Adam. I was talking with another colleague yesterday about some content plans that we’re developing and she made the statement about, “Well, I just wish I always had you in my ear, reminding me about how the content gets applied.” And I have the privilege. And I use that word intentionally. I have the privilege right now to be at home, to be employed, to be safe, to have my freezer stocked and to be with my family, to help create academic plans for my son. But I also have the privilege to have an understanding of maybe what’s happening intellectually and emotionally with all of these responses that people are going through. And so I have a framework for understanding that.
And I really struggled. And I shared with you, I really want to start to do some podcasts and some teachings and some lessons around, “Here’s how you can use the content in this time of crisis,” or, “Here’s what’s happening. Here, let me explain it to you,” but it feels, trite isn’t maybe the right word, it just feels almost irresponsible to just go right to, “Well, let me teach you something and lets figure it out, and we’ll all be okay and let’s be resilient and let’s apply this lesson to your very real experience.” And it just felt very inauthentic to me. And that’s why you and I had to have a conversation for 45 minutes about like, “What are we even going to talk about today?”
Adam Salgat:
Yep. And ladies and gentlemen, I think if you’re listening to the podcast, we do want to get to that material because I think those reiterations are valuable, but I 100% agree with Sarah. Without the opportunity for us to connect and really think about and acknowledge what we’re going through. It could come across trite from us, the idea that we’re just like, “Well, this is simple. You got three choices. Sit down and figure it out.” That’s just not going to fly all the time. And we’re in unprecedented… A pandemic like this. Don’t quote me on it. It’s been a century or more. And there aren’t perfect words for it, but there are practices that can help in certain spaces. And there’s a sports radio station I listened to, and one of the commentators was talking about how his son is a senior in high school.
And how he’s trying to acknowledge the fact that his son is missing out on so much, and that he’s pretty bummed about it, but at the same time, he wants to be cognizant and keep him grounded that there are people on the front lines that are potentially losing their lives, or loved ones losing their lives. So, he’s trying to meet him where he is and understand what he’s going through, but he also wants to make sure that he is grounded. So I think that’s a little bit of what we’re going to try and do a little bit in this podcast and in our coming podcasts. We in no way want to skip over the dire state that many people are putting themselves into when go to work as in the medical professional field, or even at the grocery stores or gas stations, wherever, and electrical.
There’s so many essential… Like the fact that we’re able to do this right now. And really, I’m just being asked to stay home in my heated house with my family, keep them safe, play games and watch Netflix as everybody is calling it. It’s a lot different than when we were in world wars or when families had to face those kinds of troubles.
Sarah Weisbarth:
Yeah. It’s an intriguing situation, but there’s a part of me that feels like the coping and the emotional response, the intellectual response is still, I’m going to say, the same. So if this global crisis weren’t happening right now, but I were having a crisis, what’s happening in me is still going to be the same type of response, whether it’s just me having a crisis or it’s my response to a global crisis. So I think acknowledging people’s experience of wherever they are at, regardless of the circumstances, regardless of their truth, is so incredibly valuable, because I don’t think there’s an opportunity to push through that or push past that into trying to figure out the resilient or the now what or rationalize what’s happening if we don’t first acknowledge what’s going on.
Adam Salgat:
Right. I absolutely agree. And listeners, if there’s stories that you would like to share, if you need the opportunity to reach out, feel free to do so as always through our Facebook page, but if you have the ability and you want to talk to somebody, if you’re looking for help, reach out to us. Our team, whether it’s Sarah or I or someone, we love getting to know people. Obviously we love to listen. So I’m not trying to say we’re going to solve, but if you’re looking for human connection, please don’t be afraid to reach out and come to us. I know we’re not the type of organization that you would imagine, being a one-on-one help, and that’s not the concept here. It’s really just about the ability to connect and see a face and talk to somebody.
Sarah Weisbarth:
That is the organization that we are about. We’re about helping people understand that the caring and the connection is incredibly valuable. And I often joke in class when we get to the listening section, I’m like, “Well, if you didn’t realize you signed up for listening class, guess what? Here we are now.” And the core of what we teach and the core of what we talk about, I can’t talk to you about any other piece of our content unless we first talk about the value of listening to people, because we know that the most helpful thing a person can do is to listen to another. And that’s in the context of when someone else is having a problem, the most helpful thing I can do for them is listen. Well guess what? We’re all having a problem right now.
Adam Salgat:
Right.
Sarah Weisbarth:
[inaudible 00:12:19] You looked outside or watch the news, but we’re all having a problem right now. And the solution to the problem… I don’t have to solve your problem, I just have to listen.
Adam Salgat:
Yep. Absolutely. And I think that’s what we’ve been able to do for each other. And I know you’ve mentioned the national team at Our Community Listens has basically created a 20 minute coffee chat in the morning just for that reason.
Sarah Weisbarth:
Yeah. We have noted it multiple times to Rebecca, our executive director, that in this particular moment of crisis and probably going forward, it is the most important thing that we have done right now as an organization, was to create 20 minutes in the morning, every morning, and you can show up or not, you can participate or not, but it’s making the time. And that is one of the things that we have about the four commitments of listening is as a leader, and we are all leaders, but as a person who cares and wants to connect, do you have the time? And so we have intentionally carved out 20 minutes every morning to just connect. And it’s not about work. We don’t talk about anything that’s going on with work or a project or a plan or anything. It’s literally like, “Hey, how are you doing?”
This morning, one of our chapter leaders led it out, and she did a fun thing where she challenged us to come up with like a TV show or a book or a song or just something in popular media that encapsulates our personal experience of what’s happening to us right now. So, it was a lot of fun. One individual talked about pulp fiction and what’s happening in the world right now is like a Quentin Tarantino movie. I of course brought up Little House on the Prairie, and how I feel like we’re in the long winter where we’re huddling around the stove, or actually huddling around the television, but we’re all sequestered in our homes together. It was just a fun way to, again, connect, have a shared experience and just kind of… I don’t know, it’s beyond listening, it’s just being there for one another. It’s been incredibly valuable. And again, we have named it as probably the most important thing that we have done right now in the midst of this.
Adam Salgat:
Right. I’m sure there’s many listeners out there who are finding the value in video chat or… I’ve seen people sit in the back of their vehicles and meet in empty lots, but clearly stay 10 to 12 feet apart from each other, but just the fact that they are in the same space, having coffee and just enjoying each other’s company at a safe, healthy distance, we’d still need those kinds of spaces together. We do.
Sarah Weisbarth:
Oh yeah. You see it everywhere. I love the exercise classes happening on the balconies of a apartment complex where they’re all on their individual balcony, but they’re having an exercise class together. So many examples all over social media, which is how we’re staying connected right now. For better or for worse it’s available to us.
Adam Salgat:
Right.
Sarah Weisbarth:
We talk about this all the time, it demonstrates just the fundamental truth that as human beings, we are designed for connection, we are designed to be in relationship. It is what helps us thrive, it’s what helps us grow, it’s what helps us just be the incredible beings that we are created to be. We are designed for connection. And you’re seeing people find a way to still be connected in this time of physical distancing. And you’re already seeing that narrative change, it’s not social distancing, it’s physical distancing, but I still might be relationally and socially connected to you.
Adam Salgat:
I think that would be a very strategic and smart step from any governmental leader, to call it physical distancing. I personally think that explains it better, because we need to just stay physically distant. But like I said, we’ve seen people… Like you just talked about too, both of those stories, the people in the back of their cars or the people on balconies, you’re physically distantly far enough apart, but you’re also together. You’re together doing something shared, you’re enjoying each other’s company and you can do that, but still be physically apart. I was just talking to my wife about maybe going to my parents and just being outside. And I know my girls might run to grandma to want to give a hug, so we might have to figure that out, but just the idea that we could still be across a bonfire pit. And if we are smart and careful, we’ll walk out in the exact same state that we were in as we walked in. I am not promoting that, I’m just thinking there are small ways that we can still be a tribe, but do it the smart way.
Sarah Weisbarth:
It’s so encouraging to see all of the positive things that are happening. And a little heart search thing I noticed, you’re putting images of hearts in your window and you’re going on a heart treasure hunt. And just the gifting, that people are giving and the big businesses and CEOs that are making financial contributions and changes to the way they do business so that their people are taken care of. Now I’m on my own little like soap box, but I am encouraged by society right now and our ability to care about one another in simple ways and in big ways and whatever way that we’re able to from the position that we’re coming from.
And I hope… One of the things that we’ve been doing in our listening sessions, which I really want to share with you in a minute, Adam, is incorporating a question about like, “Well, what are you considering? What are you wondering about?” And my biggest wonder has been, “I wonder what society will look like after this? Will this feeling of support and connection continue? Has it always been there and now it’s just very publicly seen?” I’m just very encouraged by people’s desire to support and care about one another.
Adam Salgat:
Yep. Absolutely. I think it’s taken a little bit of time for people to get in that same space, but I think it’s really growing. I think we’re starting to realize that the major importance of it. And from a bystander of many things outside of the Detroit area, here in Michigan, we’ve been relatively safe, but knowing people who have lost loved ones, I think really helped drive that caring home and knowing that we need to support people. And the best way to support everyone right now is to stay home and to give the medical world as much time as possible to keep everyone safe and to potentially create medicines in the meantime, until there’s a vaccine. And thinking about what the world’s going to look like, I really hope that we take the time to understand what it means to take care of someone else, even if it’s something small that we’re doing and how important that is, the impact that we can make by doing small things.
Sarah Weisbarth:
Yeah. We talk about that all the time, about how we show up for people, and how we’re [inaudible 00:19:57] with them. And it doesn’t have to be, again, solving their problem, it’s just being there, just being your awesome self and being in the lives of others in a meaningful way.
Adam Salgat:
So, you mentioned a little bit of your listening sessions. I do want to recap a little bit. We weren’t going to talk too much about curriculum in this one, but we definitely have touched on the fact that listening is super important and that human connection, super important. So without getting too deep into those skills and the curriculum of how to improve ourselves in that area, tell me about these listening sessions that you guys are putting together in webinars, I believe that are happening. Obviously they’re not in-person meetings currently, but yeah, webinars.
Sarah Weisbarth:
Yeah. We have a lot of things happening virtually and I cannot be more appreciative of our entire team right now with Our Community Listens, and how small teams have formed quickly to advance our virtual engagement with our audience and our alumni, and just in support. I don’t even know how else to explain it, but just truly in support. And one of the things that has come out of that is what we’ve been calling, listening sessions. I think they’re going to shift into a care and connection session, is [crosstalk 00:21:17] intent, but it’s around this skill and this gift of listening. And they’re virtual, we did them as an organization this past Friday. And I actually underestimated… I’m almost embarrassed to say this. I underestimated the value of those sessions. I know people need to talk and I know people have a shared but unique experience.
I just assumed everyone was getting that need met in other areas. I was like, “Who do we think we are? That we are the only people in the world that know how to listen and connect.” But we opened up virtual sessions where we talked about, again, the value of listening, just reminded one another, that we know how to listen, or how to be empathetic. We know how to not interrupt and tell our stories and give advice and ask questions and tell everyone it’ll be okay. We did remind ourselves that we know how to be good listeners. And then we opened up to two questions about, what are you experiencing right now? And what are you wondering about, or what are you considering? I don’t think you could have any more of an open-ended question, that’s essentially a door opener.
Adam Salgat:
Right.
Sarah Weisbarth:
And with those two questions in mind, we wanted to break out sessions of groups of three and four, for easily 30 minutes. And what came… That time together was almost this collective sigh of relief, that we didn’t solve the homeschooling plan, called the virus, we didn’t solve, “what do I do when I’m an independent contractor and all of my work has just evaporated,” we didn’t solve, “My family was in Florida and they’re elderly,” we didn’t solve any of those problems for anyone, but what we were able to do is collectively create a space of affection and listening. And it was incredibly helpful. Immediate feedback from people like, “Thank you for doing this. This was so helpful. This is so valuable.” And immediately, “How can we do this for others?” It’s probably the thing that I love about our organization. We design those sessions for our organization because we felt that we needed to serve our people, that they just needed a space to talk and connect. And immediately the turnaround was, “How can we now start to share this? How can we share this gift of connection and listening with others?”
Adam Salgat:
And that’s awesome. And you guys are building a structure to do that then?
Sarah Weisbarth:
Yes. Hopefully very quick, where by the end of the week, I’d really like to be able to have a process and a plan and a [whipping 00:24:20] of using virtual spaces, using that format and letting people come into that space, and remember that we know what the most helpful thing is to do, it’s to listen and we know how to listen. So let’s just do that for one another. It’s how it’s so simple and it really is. It’s such a profound thing in its simplicity.
Adam Salgat:
It sounds like you guys are really building the right structure and finding something like these listening sessions that are going to help people in whatever way we can anyway, help them through this pandemic and get them to open up to people and reconnect. And again, whatever way that we can. When it comes to the podcast and utilizing this tool, what do you have in mind? What are you thinking our coming podcasts are going to look like?
Sarah Weisbarth:
What I’m anticipating in our immediate future, which it’s been really interesting when it comes to a content and programming perspective, we’re as an organization, figuring out how can we respond right now? Like right now. But everything that we’re doing to respond right now is going to continue to feed our future content and programming, which I think is exciting, this is the part I love. So I’m looking to maybe start to transition a little bit, and still acknowledge the individual experience of what’s going on for people, but also then start to incorporate, well, how does that relate to our understanding of our content? How does that relate to things like empathy? How does that relate to listening? A lot of what we’ve talked about today. How does that relate to distendencies? I said it on our last podcast, I see distendencies on fire right now, what an interesting reflection and conversation that could be.
And starting to just help people almost come back into that space of logic, and recognize what’s happening for me in this experience. And then what do I notice that’s happening for others. And then shift into, “Okay, so then how can I respond? What do I want my behavior to be?” I see so much of our content just glaze through all of these experiences right now. And I have this really heart desire to help bring those understandings out. And I think just having conversations about it, like we’re able to do through this podcast, is a really great way to do it.
Adam Salgat:
I am definitely excited to take that opportunity to do that here on the podcast. And like you said, we don’t want to glaze over what’s happening out there in the world, but certainly these are times to practice listening skills and an opportunity to grow as an individual. So when we’re really back out there in the world, we can connect in even more meaningful relationships. Sarah, tell me- [crosstalk 00:27:22]
Sarah Weisbarth:
Structure… Sorry.
Adam Salgat:
Go ahead.
Sarah Weisbarth:
Well, it gives us a structure for understanding, and that some the other things that are in development right now, which we’re excited about is actually just a… Almost like a little video series of five minutes shorts. Well, what is happening? What are we noticing with our responses and as it relates to our content? And we’re going to start putting those out as a vlog, a video blog series for people to just tune into, and click into, and have a refresher, but also have a real life experience to apply the information to. I just have all of this desire to help people process through in a way that helps them grow and understand what their experience is. So, we just have that gift we want to share with the world.
Adam Salgat:
Sarah, as we wrap up today’s podcast, I first want to thank you for your time and for the opportunity to connect again. And for our listeners, I’d like you to give us a couple of key takeaways from today’s podcast.
Sarah Weisbarth:
The most important things that I really wanted to express in our time together today is, for one, just acknowledgement of the unique experience that individuals are having in a shared collective reality, and just the value of that. You can’t move forward into a place of coping or thriving from coping, without first acknowledging. And I think that’ll continue to be incredibly valuable, that we just acknowledge the truth, that people are experiencing a major problem because of this crisis, but I think it will also teach us in the future to remember that everyone’s probably going through something. So just the acknowledgement of the individual experience and also the value of connection, how we’re all created to be in community, be in relationship, be connected to one another, and starting to recognize, “Well, how do we do that in these uncertain times?” How do we do that through virtual mediums in a way that is helpful, and remembering that we have the skills of listening and connection to be helpful to others and to ourselves. So those would be my three things.
Adam Salgat:
Perfect. Thank you again for being on the podcast. I really appreciate you taking the time. And we’ll be coming back with a little more skills and information as we move forward. Thanks again, Sarah.
Sarah Weisbarth:
Welcome as always, Adam. It’s so enjoyable to just share our thoughts and our perspective with our audience and just always have that hope that it’s helpful and supportive.
Adam Salgat:
If you have any suggestions about subjects for our podcast, feel free to reach out through our Facebook page. And if you’re interested in taking a class, visit ourcommunitylistens.org. Thank you again for listening to our podcast. And don’t forget, each word, each action, each silent moment of listening sends a message. Therefore, you are the message.